


Joined by the Red String

by Meerkat12



Category: Gentleman Jack (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Bittersweet, Character Death, F/F, Get them tissues, Hospice, Mentions of Rape, Smut, Terminal Illnesses, ann and anne always find each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-02-16 10:01:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21506044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meerkat12/pseuds/Meerkat12
Summary: She thought she would never see her again. But yet, there she sits, rocking back and forth in the rocking chair, a plaid shawl draped over her broad shoulders. She was writing in a beaten up leather notebook, a focused intensity as she scribbled furiously. Even from a distance, Ann can see that she still has the fountain pen that Ann gifted to her so long ago. She clutches weakly at her throat in a bid to prevent a sob. After all these years, she only had to look at her and all the old feelings return to her."Anne," Ann whispers softly.In her early 50s and diagnosed with terminal cancer, she spends the rest of her limited days at a hospice. Ann Walker was certain that she was to pass away having not resolved her past mistakes. One day, her one wish was granted.
Relationships: Anne Lister (1791-1840)/Ann Walker (1803-1854)
Comments: 79
Kudos: 138





	1. Joined by the Red String

**Author's Note:**

> Fanfiction is new to me. Please be patient, and I hope you enjoy :)

Hollow like a shell.  
Empty like a void.  
The clock keeps ticking, an unspoken companion.  
Throat is tight, but no tears build.  
A scream is stuck, frozen in time.  
Abandoned per usual, where are my loved ones?  
The heavens calls out.  
My life is slipping.

Sat and gazing.  
Blue skies inviting.  
Birds are soaring, free and happy.  
Life goes on. Time goes on.  
The clock is ticking, the only companion.  
Heart is slowing.  
Eyes are weary.  
Alone.  
Alone.  
Clock is ticking.  
Tick tock, tick tock.

Ann sighs and lowers the book. She eases back against the mountain of plump and fluffy pillows, easing the ache in her lower back. She gazes out her window, watching a beautiful robin hopping from branch to branch. Its soulful tunes drifts in through her open window and soothes her anxieties. A soft hum escapes her, and she closes her eyes to escape reality for a while. Ignoring the beeping of the machines, the click of heels, the sound of muted voices, she fantasies about being her friend, the robin, to spread her wings and fly free from the hospice. Free to go wherever she wants. 

Deep brown eyes flashes behind closed lids. A low voice whispers sweet nothings into her ear. A warm and solid body pressed against her back, a spicy and warm scent feels her senses. Her slender fingers touches the red bracelet that never leaves her wrist. 

"Ann," a soft voice said. A warm hand rests over her cool one. "Ann."

She stirs and shifts toward the voice. Her sister, Elizabeth. "Did I fall asleep?" 

Elizabeth only smiled tensely, clenching her jaw and swallowed thickly. "You must have been tired, sweetheart."

Ann moves to sit up, her sister quickly moving in to help her. 

She glances out the window. Darkness. She shivered at a cold draft and quickly huddled underneath her thick bedding. "Could you- thank you," she sighs gratefully when Elizabeth closed the window. 

That annoying ticking of the clock ticked loudly on the wall, filling the awkward silence between two sisters. 

"You... didn't have to come, you know," croaked Ann, smiling shakily.

"Don't be silly, Ann." Attempting to brighten up the mood, Elizabeth gestured towards the fruit basket, a gift bag and a flower pot, with little pink roses, that was on her bedside table. She lifted the gift back and set it on the bed. "I thought I'd brighten up your room a little. I hope that's okay?"

Ann only smiled in response, already drained and just wanting to sleep again. To make her sister happy, she opened the bag, expecting to see new things, but instead was things she recognises instantly. She pulled out her old plush dog toy. She hugs it close and breathes in the old smell of childhood and familiarity. The toy dog was her first ever toy from the day she was born. She smiled her first genuine smile for the first time in a week. Settling her toy under her covers to snuggle with later, she moved on to the next item. Her patchwork quilted blanket she made. Her favourite lavender, pale pink and light blue one with robins, her favourite bird, stitched into it. She weakly attempted to pull it out, but was again helped by Elizabeth. Elizabeth placed it neatly over her bed. Ann ran her fingers over the blanket for a moment, before finally pulling out the picture of herself and Elizabeth, when they were younger and went to Disneyland one year. She smiled again and put it on her bedside table.

"Thank you, Lizzie," whispered Ann. When she didn't hear a response, she looked at her, and saw Elizabeth crying silently. "Oh. Come here." She shifted enough to make room for Elizabeth, and Elizabeth climbed into bed with her, knocking the book off the bed. She cried into Ann's chest. Ann rubbed soothing circles into her back silently.

"I'm sorry. I... I couldn't take care of you. I...I thought you... please forgive me, Ann."

"Don't-don't cry." Ann's voice trembled for a moment before she continued on. "I'm glad WE decided on this. I'm getting as much comfort and care as I could get, and I couldn't bear to put you through any more pain."

Elizabeth eventually calmed down, sniffled and untangled herself. She placed a hand on her cheek and stared at her with red-rimmed eyes. "Ann, are you sure this is the best choice? You can come move back in with me. I'll be more than happy for it."

She sighed tiredly. "No. I...I'm okay here."

"Then why do you spend all your time looking at four white walls, instead of interacting with others?"

Ann looked away at that. "I'm... I'm tired. I just want peace. I won't be here for much longer." She ran her hand over her bald head, and in a slight panic tried to find her striped woolly hat. Elizabeth found it on the floor and wordlessly helped her put it on.

Wiping a tear away from her eye, Elizabeth said, "You're beautiful no matter what, sweetheart." She leaned forward and hugged her gently.

Ann cried again for the second time today.

Four years ago she was diagnosed with an unknown terminal cancer, and she went through chemotherapy. Eventually accepting her fate, she stopped the treatment, and was waiting for time to pass on. After growing worse and unable to care for herself, she lived with her sister for a time, before choosing to instead spend the rest of her days in a hospice. So far, the hospice weren't so bad. The nurses are kind, the rooms comfortable. 

There was a light knock on the door, and then nurse Cordinegly popped her head around the corner. "Hello dears. Ann, are you ready for dinner?"

Ann started to say she wasn't hungry, but at the pleading look of her sister, stopped. "Yes," she said.

Nurse Cordingely came in with a trolley and wheeled it to a round table in the corner of the room. She swiftly lays the plate of curry and a small tub of pudding on the table before going to the side of Ann's bed. "i see you added some beautiful bits to your room, Ann?" she shared a smile with Elizabeth. She hates that smile. The smile that is strained and full of sadness. 

Nurse Cordingely gently grasped her arm, and wounded her arm around Ann's back helping her across the room and into her seat. Another thing she hated, and that was having help with everything when she could clearly do it herself, albeit slower. 

Settled in her chair, nurse Cordingely asked if she needed anything, and at quiet 'no thanks' departed the room with another strained smile. Elizabeth sat in the second chair, and they chatted about friends and Elizabeth's grown children and grandchildren as Ann nibbled at her food. 

"You're not going to eat anymore?" 

"I'm not that hungry," Ann said, moving to stand up. Elizabeth was at her side again, guiding her back to bed.

Settled again, Elizabeth called the nurse back in. 

Elizabeth glanced at the clock. It was almost 19:00. "Ann, I have to go, but I'll visit early tomorrow and we can spend the whole day together, okay?" 

Ann wanted to ask why she had to rush off, but instead nodded. Elizabeth stared at her for a while, swallowed, and leaned down to hug her and kiss her on the cheek. "I love you."

"You too," Ann whispered.

Left alone again, a new nurse walked in as Elizabeth left. They exchanged a few quiet words to each other before her sister stormed off. The nurse turned caring eyes to her, "I'll go get your bath ready, honey," she said. 

Ann, not paying attention, stared out the window. Little glittery stars dots the dark sky. The moon was small and faraway. But yet, as she watches, the night sky takes her breath away nonetheless. Because, no matter what, when there's the night, her beloved is with her. She clenches her eyes to keep the tears at bay.

Clock is ticking. Tick tock. Tick tock.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slow chapter, but I like setting the mood

"Good morning Miss Walker, glad to see you up and about," Thomas Sowden said, smiling brightly. 

Ann looked away from the window and slowly turned around, smiling a soft and genuine smile towards him. Thomas is one of the nurses, and only recently started working at the hospice . She can't pinpoint her fondness for the young man. Maybe it's because he's still fairly innocent. Maybe it's because he's sweet and well mannered. Maybe it could be the fact that his smile isn't strained or forced like the other nurses and Ann's few visitors. 

"Morning," she replied, breathing in and grimacing in pain. She as subtly as she could rubbed at her lower back and looked longingly at her drip, finger hovering over the button hesitantly.

Thomas's smile dimmed slightly and he said, "You can press the button, you know? if it'll help."

Ann shook her head. She pushed the IV stand forward as she walked. "It hurts, but... I want to stay awake. My sister is coming."

"It's lovely when family visits, no matter where it is," Thomas agreed. He looked over at her bed, saw vomit and quickly left the room with a promise to return. 

Another thing she liked about Thomas, he never once fretted over her or attempts to help her move around or support her. Almost as if he could sense how much it would irk her. Feeling like her legs were about to give out, and felt her body screaming in protest at standing for a long period, she slowly eased herself into her high back rocking chair, sighing in relief. She was pleased when her sister surprised her with it. Now she can sit closer by the window, watching her robin friend, or as she's doing currently, watching the snow falling thickly. The whiteness covered the garden, pure and untouched. The silver birch trees looks particularly mythical this morning. A white wonderland. 

She shivered like that one frail leaf, flailing on one of the birch trees, clinging stubbornly to the branch. A flurry of snow blew in from outside. She forgotten that she opened that window to rid the room of her sickly accident. It don't matter if she got sick from the cold, she would rather pass away as quickly as possible. A snow flake drifted in further, tickling Ann's nose, shocking her from a dark thought. About to get up to close the window, Thomas rushed back in, out of breath.

"Sorry about that, Miss Walker. All of the bedding was in the wash, but I managed to wrestle out some from the dryer, nice and toasty for you." Looking up, his mouth fell open and he quickly rushed to the window and slammed it closed, gripped her patchwork blanket off the bed - which was thankfully not covered in vomit - and threw it over Ann's shaking body. He knelt down with a scared and concerned expression. "I should have checked to make sure you was okay before I left you alone. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" 

Feeling guilty, Ann pushed her blanket down, removed an arm without the drip in her hand, and patted him on his shoulder. "It smelled, and I wanted to air the room out."

"Still, I should have checked. I wasn't doing my job properly." He shook his head angrily.

To distract him, she said, "Thomas... My bed, please?"

He looked up at her, confusion clouding his eyes before realisation hits him. He jumped up and got to work with a quick 'sorry' spoken under his breath.

Ann smiled after him before looking outside again. She spun her red string bracelet round and round her thin wrist, allowing herself to get whisked away by long ago memories. She leaned her head back and rested her eyes for a moment. Deep brown eyes again flashed across her eyes. 

A hand gently nudged her awake. "Miss Walker."

Coming out from her restful doze, she met Thomas's eyes. "Sorry, I must have nodded off."

"It's not a problem. I made your bed, would you like me to run you a bath? A quick wash down with a flannel before I get your breakfast?"

Taking a moment to stretch as much as she was able to, she thought about what he said. "Mmm, bath, please. Thank you, Thomas."

Nodding, he sets off to run the errand.

***

Feeling refreshed and a little more awake and alert, Ann was under clean sheets, still warm from the dryer. A tray with a bowl of warm porridge, a pot of mushy strawberries and a cup of tea was placed in her lap. A sick bowl was set on her side table and her patchwork blanket was being neatly tucked back onto her bed. As she was taking small bites of her breakfast, Thomas ran his fingers over one of the robins.

"Do you like robins, Miss Walker?" Thomas asked, sitting on the guest chair beside her bed, deciding on staying behind to keep her company.

"Please, call me Ann. And yes, I always have had a fondness for them."

Thomas smiled.

Deciding she had enough to eat, she sipped some lukewarm tea, put it down on the tray and gave Thomas the go ahead to take it away.

"Are you sure Miss- Ann?"

Ann nodded her head and the male nurse picked the tray up and turned to place the tray on the trolley. "Before I go, would you like to mingle with the others?"

"No thank you. But, before you go, could I ask you a question?"

"Sure," Thomas said, moving back to her side.

"Why... why do you treat me differently from the other nurses? They give me fake smiles an-and treat me like I'm breakable. But y-yet, you don't. Why is that?"

Thomas rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, reminding Ann so much of her at that action. She touched her bracelet again.

"It's because you remind me a little of my mother. She broken a leg that never properly healed, and got around with her walking stick. But she is a formidable woman that that ruled the household with an iron fist. So, yeah, I see some of her determination and strength in you." He smile shyly at her.

Ann smiled back, her fondness for the young nurse growing. "Thank you for sharing that, Thomas."

Just then, Elizabeth rounded the corner and almost crashed into Thomas. Throwing his arms out, he quickly grabbed her before she could fall back. 

"Sorry," Elizabeth breathed shallowly, grasping at her napkin she kept in her handbag, and coughed into it.

"No problem, ma'am," he replied. Throwing a bright grin behind his shoulder at Ann, he nodded at her, then at her sister and left them to it.

Elizabeth shifted through her bag, pulled out her antiseptic gel, squirted some in her hands and rubbed them as she walked towards her younger sister's bed. She sat on the bed and the two sisters shared a hug. 

"Ann, I'm sorry I'm late. The snow is crazy out there! But I'm here now." She pulled away and gave her a light kiss on the cheek.

"It's okay, Lizzie. I would have understood if you couldn't make it."

"No, I wanted to come-"

"But what if you can't get-"

"Ann. I don't care how bad the storm is. Nothing is stopping me from seeing you-" she cuts off abruptly. But Ann knew what she was about to say. Before you're gone. 

Just like that, the brief moment of happiness vanished. Ann looked away, back out the window. Her little robin was on the same tree just outside her window. She touched her bracelet again. She turned back with glossy eyes. "I'm glad you could come," Ann said, smiling thinly.

"How was your morning?" Elizabeth asked.

"Was sick on the bed, woke up early, ma-ma-managed to eat something. Walked around a bit."

"Did you socialise?"

Ann shook her head and looked down at her hands. She eyed the button that could relieve her of some pain. "I-I'm just n-not up to it. No-not yet."

"Maybe we could take a trip down there later?"

"May-m-maybe." She yawned. 

"I got some books you might like to read." Elizabeth held up a bag. "I thought you might like something new."

Ann reached out for it, but Elizabeth quickly placed it on the bed. Sucking in a breath of frustration, she opened it. Six more books. Pulling each one out, she grinned. The Neverending Story. A book she read later on in life, but she loved the film so much, that she read the book afterwards, adoring the book just as much. The next book she pulled out was Peter Pan. Them Black Beauty. The complete Dr Seuss collection, as Ann always loved them as she grew. James and the Giant Peach. The last book was heavy, but it was Grimms' Fairy Tales. She was going to enjoy reading these. She looked up, sniffled and reached forward - ignoring the pain in her limbs and especially her lower back - and squeezed her hands.

"Lizzie, these are my old... thank you."

Elizabeth patted her hand in response, looking away for a moment. Ann knew she was just looking away to hide the sorrow in her sister's eyes. Facing her again, she nodded.

"Remember as children how we would hide in the library, with John, late at night whilst mother and father were in bed, reading the fairy tales with a torch?"

Ann giggled at the memory. "So no one can discover we were out of bed way past our bedtime. We thought our parents were in bed, but mother found us!"

"And instead of scolding us-" Elizabeth started.

"She sat down in our fort and continued reading to us." Ann finished.

"I thought for sure we would get the belt. We were suppose to be up early the next day," Elizabeth said.

"I know. But I think this book saved us. Mother loved reading it."

"A moment of silence for the book that saved our behinds," Elizabeth teased, winking.

They shared a giggle.

Ann yawned. She wanted to go back to sleep, but was worried. What if she gets pulled under and that was it? 

"Ann, I never asked, but I'm curious about your red bracelet?"

Ann looked down, surprised that her fingers were twisting it around her wrist again. "It's my most cherished possession," she whispered, caressing it tenderly.

"Why is that?" Elizabeth asked gently. "It's okay if you don't want to tell me. I just. You worn that for so long, but you never told me, and I never asked."

Ann sighed. "I don't think I would have told you back then," she admitted. 

"And now?"

"I guess I-I-I..." She exhaled and squeezed her eyes shut. She may never get her wish. But maybe she could finally share her story. She looked out the window, saw the robin looking back at her. She then watched the snow. Falling and falling. 

"Ann?" her sister called. "Ann, I understand-"

"No. I think it's time to tell someone my-my sto-story. I ju-just don-don't know why I kept quiet so long." She looked back down at her wrist, tears blinding her vision.

Silence. And then Elizabeth said, "Take your time."

Ann inhaled deeply, then exhaled. This is it. It's time to share. It's time to come out the closet.

"But you came so close," a voice whispered. A voice only Ann can hear. The words tormented her and stayed with her for years.

She looked out into the snow again, drawing courage and strength from it.

"Have you heard about the red string of fate?" Ann started off by saying.

"The red string of fate?"

"I-it means that two people co-connected by the r-red string are d-d-destined lovers, re-regardless of place, time, or c-cir-c-circumstances. It's a mag-magical cord that may stretch o-or tangle, but never b-break." Her gaze never wavered from outside, but she was aware that she was touching her bracelet the whole time. "My... m-my b-beloved, I hope, has the other bracelet."

"There was someone you loved?" Elizabeth said quietly.

Ann only nodded.

"Who is he?"

Closing her eyes, she took some time to answer. Was she truly ready to speak? Truly ready to admit something that she held close to her heart. A brief glance at her sister confirmed her turmoil. Yes. This is her big sister. That loved her. Supported her. Cared for her. Was there for her. Yes. She's ready.

Facing the window again, not brave enough to watch her sister, she said, "Can you... could you s-stay quiet and p-p-pro-promise not t-t-t-t-to inter-interrupt until t-the end of my story?"

"I promise," Elizabeth said softly.

Still watching the snow fall, Ann began by saying, "Y-you know... i-it was sn-snowing just like this when I f-first met." 

She took a moment to breathe and calm. Laying back in her bed to get comfortable, still facing away from her sister, said, "Anne. My Anne."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be going back in time from when they met till present time!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd kick off December 1st with another chapter :)

<1975> -

"But what do you mean you're not going to the party?" whined Catherine, helping Ann, by chopping a bar of Cadbury dairy milk, to go into a giant cooking pot filled with softly boiling milk. 

"Because I just don't want to, okay?" Ann snapped, tired of hearing her best friend and cousin pestering her continuously. She picked up the chopping board, using her knife to sweep her pile of chopped up chocolate into the pot, using a wooden spoon to mix brown with white. The mouthwatering smell of chocolate filled the kitchen. She gestured to Catherine's small pile and said sarcastically, "I see you're done." 

"Hmm?" Catherine looked down at her chopping board. "Oh, haha. You might as well finish off here then." 

Ann rolled her eyes and swiftly took over, eager to finish the job quickly. "Could you check on them cookies?" 

"They still got a way to go. Why don't you want to go to the party?" 

"Catherine," Ann warned.

"Ann," Catherine sang, startling a passerby cook.

"Would you keep your tone down," she hissed at Catherine, expertly scooping the rest of the chocolate into the pot. She took up her position, stirring and humming 'Lonely This Christmas' under her breath. 

Catherine leaned a hip against the side."Well, answer the question, then."

Ann sighed, picking up the cinnamon and adding it to the hot chocolate she was making. "Because I would much rather sit at home with a nice bar of toblerone, and watch Some Mothers Do Ave Em after a long day of work, rather than put up with a bunch of uncaring snobs at a party." She sprinkled sugar into the pot.

"But it's a Christmas charity party! And look where we are?" she threw her arms out, dramatically looking around the hospital kitchen they were currently making hot chocolate and cookies in.

She shook her head towards Catherine. "Here, take over for me whilst I do the cookies." 

"Come on, Ann, why not go with me for an hour? Just an hour?" Catherine pleads.

Pulling out the last tray, she thanked a chef for closing the oven door for her and walked back over to the table. She left them to cool on the side and shooed Catherine away from the pot, resuming her stirring. "Why do you care so much if I go or not," she asked finally. 

"All you seem to do is stay indoors these days," Catherine whispered softly, concern blending into her words.

"That's not true. I have my own business," Ann pointed out, but she slowed her stirring, biting her lower lip.

"And then you return home after-"

"And I do things for charity, if you hadn't noticed."

"True, but you never socialise these days..."

"I'm socialising with you, ain't I?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"So why are you worrying?" she cut in suddenly. "Are those cookies cool?"

Letting it go for the time being, she humoured Ann. "Yes, they're cool."

Stirring the hot chocolate once more, she turned the cooker to a low simmer, setting up the sweets and piping bags. she passed a white piping bag to her, a tray, a plate of snowmen cut outs and a bowl of sweets. "Here, you can do the snowmen," Ann said brightly, getting to work on the tree-shaped cookies.

There was a quiet, yet tense moment between them as they decorated the cookies, Ann more expertly, and Catherine more slowly and careful. 

"You seem off lately," Catherine finally said, not able to keep quiet much longer. 

At least Ann got to her fifth cookie before she spoke. "I'm fine," she said robotically, cringing. 

No, Catherine was right. Since her parent's untimely death, and her sister Elizabeth moved to Scotland with that awful husband of hers, Ann felt withdrawn and isolated. She just didn't have it in her anymore to do anything, other than work and retreat. Then to top it off, her beloved brother, John, drowned a few years before her parents passing. Although being left with a lot of money from her father's business (cousin Christopher and Jeremiah Rawson kindly took over as CEO), Ann used some of that money to set up her own dream business. A quaint little bakery and bookstore cafe. It got her out the house, and is thankfully a much needed distraction, until she returned home that is.

"Really? because Aunt Ann-"

"Look, Catherine, instead of whispering about me to our family behind my back, why don't you just mind your business?"

Catherine squeezed her lips into a thin line. "Sorry for being concerned," she said coolly, going back to her task of putting little chocolate drops for eyes on the snowman.

"I'm sorry, okay?" She really was sorry for snapping. "I'm just a little stressed. Those children will be spending Christmas here, with no family, and I'm doing all I can to make their stay in a hospital ward, brighter."

Sighing, Catherine finally looked at her. "Look, it's okay. Lets give those children the best cookies, hot cocoa and story time they will ever have."

For now, the tension was cleared between them.

Ann grinned, "I hope they also like their presents we 'got' from Santa then." 

"Lets finish these cookies and see for ourselves!" 

Giggling, they set to work. "Just don't embarrass me with badly made cookies," Ann scolded lightly.

"Hey, don't blame me, I just handle the money and drinks." Catherine winked, bumping Ann's hip with hers.

***

Ann and Catherine pushed the two serving carts into a room of loud children. A nurse, noticing them, clapped her hands to quiet them.

"Children, some kind volunteers are here for story time and treats."

"Yay!" The twelve children yelled in unison.

"Plenty to go around," Ann giggled. She moved the first cart to the first bed, picked up a mug from the cart, scooped some hot chocolate into it, allowed the first child to pick their cookie, and set them on a tray, putting it on the child's lap. 

Catherine grabbed a gift bag from the second cart and placed it next to the child, "Santa told us to give you this." She winked at the excited child before following Ann to the next bed.

Soon, the room was filled with the happy chatter of children looking at their patchwork blankets, cuddly toys and cars, and bars of chocolate. They bit into their cookies and sipped their drinks. Ann puffed her chest out with pride. The children loved their treat!

After things calmed down, the nurse spoke up. "Okay, children, Miss Rawson and Miss Walker are going to read you a story, are you ready?"

"Yes!" The children called out.

Smiling encouragement towards the girls, Ann took her cue to pull out the couple books she chose. "So, who wants to hear about A Christmas Carol?" Ann asked. She laughed at all twelve little raised hands. 

***

What an afternoon," Catherine said, resting her head against the cool glass window, yawning. "Who knew entertaining orphaned children could be so exhausting?"

"But it was fun," Ann said, looking out at her window, admiring the bright Christmas lights of London. It started to lightly snow. The soft and cold snowflakes sticks to the pathway, soon trampled on by blurred out figures huddled into their coats.

"I guess so. I just can't wait to eat and get into bed."

Ann didn't respond, smiling to herself. The afternoon was wonderful. Reading books, sitting with each child afterwards, refilling their mugs with hot chocolate and their plate with another cookie, and playing with them, listening to them. She sighed contently. 

"We did a good thing. We made those children happy, Cath," Ann said as they pulled up outside Catherine's house. 

"Yeah, we did. It was fun." She reached for the door handle, paused and looked back at Ann. "The party is tomorrow. I know it's a work day, but please come with me?"

"Catherine..."

Clasping her hands together and leaning over, Catherine gave her a pleading look again. Feeling her resolve weakening, Ann sucked her teeth, sighed, and nodded reluctantly. "Fine. But for one hour only, okay?"

Throwing her arms around her, Catherine squealed into her ear. "Thank you. Thank you. I'll come back with you after work? You still have some of my dresses I left behind yours, right? oh wait. You do! See you tomorrow, bye, sweetie!" With a chaste kiss to Ann's cheek, Catherine hopped out the car, light brown hair bouncing under her hat as she bounded up to her front door.

Shaking her head and sighing, Ann leaned back against the seat. "Home, please," she said to her driver and butler, James.

"Right away, ma'am."

With the gentle hum sounding around her, and the splatter of snow at her window, Ann rested her eyes, only for a moment.

"Ma'am, we're here." 

Ann stirred, and stretched. "Mmmhmm, thank you, James," Ann yawned. She didn't even realise she was sleeping, so relaxed was she after that exciting afternoon. James opened her door, and Ann stepped out. 

Loud barking sounded behind her front door. Smiling, Ann helped her butler gather her stuff from car boot. Walking up the pathway to the door, Ann assisted James by opening the door for him, and out bursts a golden retriever.

"Buddy," Ann greeted her dog.

Buddy barked, licking her hand and circling his owner, tail wagging excitedly.

Ann giggled, "I miss you too, my baby. In we go then."

Shutting the door behind them, James put the bag on the floor and helped Ann out her coat, hanging it on the coat rack for her.

Ann smiled thankfully. "James, after you're finished, you may retire tonight."

"Okay ma'am," James replied, picking up the bag and disappearing down the hallway into the kitchen.

Looking down at her patiently sitting dog, Ann knelt to his level, scratching Buddy behind his ears. "I'm thinking pyjamas, chocolate, snuggles on the sofa and TV, what do you say?"

Buddy barked in reply, as if he understood her. Ann kissed his wet nose.

Later on that night, wrapped up in her robin patchwork quilt, sitting on her comfortable patterned yellow sofa, that complimented her pale blue and pink walls, she ran her fingers through Buddy's fur, nibbling on her much needed toblerone, staring blindly at the TV, watching Frank Spencer put a hole through the hotel floor. 

She can't help but feel bothered by what Catherine said to her earlier. 

'You seem off lately' kept replaying like a scratched record player. She shook her head, disturbing Buddy from his comfortable lounge across her lap. 

"Sorry Buddy, just thinking about things," she said out loud.

Her dog blinked brown eyes at her, snorted, licked at her hand and went back to sleep. Snoring soon resumed. 

The thing is, Catherine is correct. She is off, and she doesn't know what to do. And she most certainly doesn't want to mingle with balding married men, trying to push them self onto her, talking about dull topics instead of focusing on the charity.

Ann shook her head again. "It's just for an hour, as I said," Ann muttered, finally pushing away her turmoil and faintly giggled as Frank then broke the bed. What a lovable oaf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't grow up in the 70's, but I adored the series when I watched them.
> 
> Love it? Hate it? More soon! And a certain piece of brown-eyed goddess shall grace the next chapter. Maybe ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the 7th day of Christmas Gentleman Jack fanfic gave to me...

The park had an almost eerie quality to it at this time in the early hours, but yet it was still and silent and peaceful. The world appeared to be in a deep state of hibernation at this time of year. Warm and comfortable in their bed, storing their energy, like a hamster storing food in its pouch, as it crept ever closer to Christmas.

The skies were dim, the streetlights still glaring. Snow fluttered slowly from above, drifting back and forth upon its descent. The lone figure sitting on a park bench, clad in scarlet, watches as it skims the white earth. A light wind rustles the cold powder,disturbing it briefly from its slumber, before the snow resettles. At least until one excitable yellow lab bounces through the snow, leaving an imprint in his wake. She laughs, warm mouth puffing out air. A crow, startled by the noise, cawed and took flight elegantly, a black shadow among the dull sky.

'Buddy,' Ann greeted lightly, tapping Buddy on his nose. She stood up and stretched, taking a tennis ball out her coat pocket. Buddy barked, tail wagging to and fro, body bent low to the floor.

'' Sit. Wait.'' She waited until Buddy did as commanded before throwing the ball. 'fetch.'

And he was off like a bullet, running with eager grace through the snow, after the ball. Watching for a few beats, Ann turned and began walking slowly, so as to make sure Buddy can still see her. 

She threw the ball a few times, before her dog grew tired and walked placidly by her side, holding the ball in his mouth. With how busy she had been with work and entertaining children at the hospital, Ann failed to be a dutiful owner and hardly got the time to take Buddy for walks. So she got up extra early just to make up for it, and Buddy seemed to be particularly happy about it.

"I'll make sure we go for another walk after work, okay Bubba?" She chuckled when Buddy wagged his tail at the word 'walk'. She faced forward. 

They were coming to the end of their walk. She cocked an eyebrow. "At least, I'll make cousin Catherine will let me take you out first, can't go back on my promise to you."

"Hey, Ann! Hadn't seen you in a while!" A low voice pierced through the serenity of the morning.

Ann flinched, and turned around. It was Peter, her old school friend and occasional dog walking companion. Peter, although intimidating to look at, was really a sweet and gentle giant. She waited as the punk shuffled awkwardly through the snow, pausing to shake the offending powder clinging to his leather combat boots. Trotting beside him was his gorgeous golden Cocker Spaniel. 

"Morning Peter. I'm sorry, I been busy lately" Ann said sheepishly.

"Hey, you know if you ever get busy, just give me a call and I'll gladly let Buddy tag along with my little baby girl and I," Peter said, enthusiastically patting Buddy on his side.

She crouched down to his dog's level. "Hello, Smoochies, I've missed you." Smoochies barked, offering her paw in greeting. 

"I can't ask that of you," Ann said.

Peter waved off her comment. "I wouldn't offer if it wasn't a bother. You got my number." 

Ann smiled shyly. "Thank you."

Peter smiled. "I'll let you get off then, come on, Smoochies." They walked off the opposite direction. He raised a hand. "See you two again sometime!"

She waved back, and put a lead on Buddy before they left the park. As they walked back home, the world started to wake. Men throwing salt on the roads, while others were shovelling the snow onto the pathway. Shops started to open, homeless people wandered like lost souls. More people with dogs appeared. Ann shared a polite smile with passerby on their way home. 

It took a little longer than usual, thanks to the snow, but once they got back, Ann fed Buddy, and went upstairs to dress in her pink floral blouse and baggy tanned pants, throwing her blonde curls into a messy bun. By the time she came downstairs, James was coming in.

"Morning ma'am."

"Morning James," Ann greeted.

"Apologies for being late, I-"

"Late?" Ann asked in alarm. She looked at the clock on the hallway. Shoot! She was going to be late!

She quickly laced her shoes up and grabbed her bag. "Let's go."

"Ma'am, what about breakfast?"

"I'll eat when we get there." She put her coat, hat and gloves on, and was putting her scarf on as she opened the door. "See you later, Buddy!"

***

James skidded slightly on some black ice as he pulled up outside Crow Nest. Often, Ann would simply walk the ten short minutes, but she was already late enough, so had James drop her off. She regretted that decision, she would have got here quicker on foot.

Catherine was at the door, bouncing up and down and shivering. The snow stopped, but the chill was lethal. She had her arms wrapped around herself, gloved hands rubbing up and down her cream furred coat - Whether it was real or fake fur, she did not know, and she wasn't planning on asking anytime soon. Catherine looked up at that moment, noticed the Hispano-Suiza, and glared straight at Ann. Oh dear. She didn't even think to ask if she wanted a lift into work. 

James got out and opened her door, ushering her safely to the front of her shop - more like to the lion den, at this point. She smiled sheepishly and scratched her cheek. 

"Sorry for being late-"

Catherine didn't wait for her to finish. She put her fists to her hips and said, "T-that's n-n-not go-good e-enough! D-do you h-have any i-idea h-how l-l-late it is? H-how l-l-long I h-had been standing here? I wouldn't be s-surprised if my f-fingers fall off! A-and n-no m-m-m-man would w-want a f-fingerless woman, Ann!"

Ann raised her hands. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't even realise the time, but I got here as quick as I could." She got out the key and opened the door. "How about a nice hot chocolate and pie?"

"D-don't you dare try t-to soften-"

"It's on me."

Catherine stopped. "W-w-well, in that c-case..." 

Ann looked away to hide a smile. She could always bribe Catherine with baked goods, especially when she adds 'on me.'

An elderly woman shuffled up to them as they were about to step through the door - Well, Catherine got inside first to turn the heating on. "Oh. You're not open yet?" The woman frowned lightly.

Ann felt guilty and said, "I'm very sorry. I was a little late in arriving. It may take a while to get the baked goods ready, but you're more than welcome to wait inside?"

The old lady gave her a beaming smile. "Thank you dear."

After that, Ann rushed around in the kitchen in her hair net and apron, prepping the dough, the pies and heating the oven. Usually, she had an extra pair of hands in the kitchen that does the early morning baking, but cousin Eliza was sick with the bug this week, and that left her to do more than she was capable of doing, especially since Catherine didn't know the difference between tsp and tbsp. Risking that would be a catastrophe! 

As she mixed the batter for the victoria sponge cake, she had a thought. She put the bowl down and poked her head round the swinging door and said, "Give the elderly woman something warm to drink. The least we could do for being late." 

"WE were late? The least WE could do? Why is she giving things away..." Catherine muttered under her voice mockingly as she disappeared back into the kitchen. 

Morning was pretty quiet, but then, not many people would risk venturing out into the cold. If things continue to remain almost dead, Ann decided they could lock up early, and Ann will deliver what was left over to the homeless, and of course, make sure they had water and sandwiches. Then she'll have time to walk Buddy before the dreaded party. She nodded to herself, satisfied with her idea, she finished putting the rest of the bread, pies, cakes and pastries in their rightful places before turning her attention to Catherine. It's been at least an hour since a customer came in, so she asked her if she wanted that cocoa and treat now.

"I was beginning to think you forgot your promise," Catherine said.

Ann rolled her eyes and went into the kitchen to fix them both a hot chocolate. Nothing else to do until someone came in, so she might as well take it easy too. A few moments later, she came out with two steaming mugs, and set one down in front of Catherine, a fresh apple pie already being tucked into. 

"Got to say, this is the best pie I ever tasted," Catherine said around her mouthful of pie. 

Ann blushed, not use to compliments, even if she did pride herself on her baking skills. She took a sip of her spiced cocoa before she dug her fork into the slice of victoria sponge her cousin kindly got for her. 

"What dress are you planning on wearing tonight?" Catherine asked, sitting back comfortably in the comfortable couch with her cocoa, full and relaxed after finishing her slice of pie. Against the wall beside the row of worn sofas were five giant bookshelf, with different genre of books in their alphabetise order, and a smaller bookcase for children books.

"Hmm?"

"To the party?"

"Oh." She almost forgot about tonight. "I don't-."

"I think I left that gorgeous glittery green gown. I'll check when we get to yours."

"Maybe," Ann offered. She really didn't want to go. But a promise was a promise.

Just then, the bell went off over the door, a cold draft entered along with the newcomer. 

"Back to work," Catherine said. She stood up and started walking into the back room, saying over her shoulder, "Could you deal with the customer? I need to pop to the loo."

"No problem," Ann sighed. She turned saw a broad-shouldered lone figure, wearing a fitted brown and dusty leather jacket, bowed over the counter slightly with arms folded over the top. A low ponytail could be seen underneath the baseball cap. 

She picked up the plates with one hand and balanced the empty mugs in the other, walking over to the counter. "Good afternoon s-" the person turned around and at that split second, Ann noticed the slight swell of chest beneath the flannel shirt, "Miss," she quickly corrected. She slowed down when she saw her face. A tanned weathered face peered down at her. And Ann almost dropped what she was holding when the woman smiled widely at her. The beginnings of crows feet were in the corner of her dark brown eyes. A handsome older woman.

The woman tilted her head, showing off the one long earring in the shape of a feather. "Ma'am," she purred, voice low and gravelly and peculiar-sounding, like a drawl. She took the objects from Ann's hands and placed them on the counter, took off her cap and rested it over her breast as she turned back round and leaned down, in her personal space and said in her ear, "You almos' dropped em'." She leaned back and smirked, taking a step back. 

Curious, she has an accent. Shaking away her daze, she wobbled awkwardly behind her counter, putting space between them. "Umm... what would - what would you like?"

"Hmm," the woman said, trailing her eyes down Ann's body slowly. Ann shivered. "I wanna pecan pie an black coffee t' go, darlin'."

Ann gulped, turning around to get her order. "You're not around here," she said.

"No ma'am."

She put the paper box on the counter. For some reason, she felt the urge to keep asking questions. "And you're from...?" 

"Tennessee, ma'am," she said.

The way she said 'ma'am' sounds different from the way others say it, and it's doing strange things to her. Foreign and confusing things. She cleared her throat and scurried to the safety of the kitchen, coming back out a moment later with a piping hot cup of coffee, another question on the tip of her tongue.

"Have n' name, darlin?" the stranger asked.

"Umm, Ann without the 'E'. And you?"

The woman gazed into her light blue eyes. "Anne with the 'E'," she replied, smirking slightly.

"Hello," she said shyly. 

Anne glanced down and flashed a hand out to grab the cup. "Easy there," she teased, easing the paper cup from her hand and taking a sip. "Hmm, perfect. How much?"

Ann vaguely remembered saying the price, her hand still tingling from the warm and rough texture of Anne's hand. 

Anne gave her the exact change, picked up the box and walked backwards, eyes never leaving hers. "See ya round, darlin'," she said in parting, whirling and opening the door.

Ann's eyes instinctively dropped to her backside, where baggy jeans hung low on her hips. Ann gulped. The ringing from the door snapped Ann from wherever she was in her mind, and she watched Anne leap into her pick up truck, and was gone moments later.

A hand waved up and down in front of her face. 

"Ann, you there?" Catherine said.

"Uhh. Yeah, I'm here."

"You don't look so good."

Ann quickly picked up the plates and mugs and turned away. "I'm fine. Got to wash these. Umm, yeah..." and she was back in the kitchen washing up.

The rest of the day was spent with her in a dream-like state, fingers rubbing the back of her still tingling hand, when she sure Catherine wasn't looking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My fantasy Anne Lister with a southern accent!
> 
> I had to keep pausing nearing the end when writing my fantasy Anne. Now excuse me when I take a VERY cold shower.


	5. Chapter 5

Ann was hunched over, throwing up in the disposable sick bowl. Her shoulders shook like a new born lamb finding their footing. Elizabeth sat next to her, rubbing her back soothingly, humming a comforting tune.

No amount of comfort worked. Not the forced smiles, the faked kindness of paid nurses, the comforts of her past life. Every day was a day closer to the end. A day closer to the unknown. Another day she weakens like a dying battery. No. There's only one thing that would comfort her, and that was to apologise and explain to her beloved. That was her dying wish. But it's too late.

Crouched over the bowl for a little long, staring in sickly disgust at the contents floating in her bowl, she held her breath and waited out the nausea. When it was clear nothing else was coming up, she straightened, exhaled and handed the bowl to her sister. Weariness and pain washed over her, and all she wanted was to push the button and feel the welcoming warmth of morphine to dull it all. She wants to sleep, but wants to tell her story just as much.

Elizabeth looked at her with an inscrutable expression, before smiling gently and said, 'I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying with you for the night. Sleep if you must.'

Ann shook her head stubbornly. 'No, I - I want to tell you a bit more-'

Elizabeth rubbed her shoulder, soothing her anxiety. 'You finally told me who you really are. I can wait for the rest of the story.'

Ann looked at her in shock. 'You knew? How? H-how long?' she whispered.

Smirking - a genuine expression at last - she said, 'Did you really think I wouldn't notice the way you looked at women? Or the noises you made with that one girl-'

Ann stopped her, laughing weakly in amazement and embarrassment. All these years she could have come out, all these years Elizabeth could have said she knew. It made her feel stupid. Her sister was her biggest supporter, and never judged her. But fear prevented her from coming out.

'Rest. I'll be here when you wake up. I would love to hear more about this Anne.'

Nodding, she pressed the button on her IV, sighed in relief, and felt sleep finally claim her.

The rest of the morning was spent in and out of consciousness, taking small sips of water at her sister's urge, staring blindly out the window at the falling snow, at her friend, the robin, sitting hunched up and staring back at her. And, finally, when she roused again, Elizabeth was gone and she felt awake enough to not go back to sleep. Although her lower back pain strikes again, she wasn't eager to accept more morphine to dull the pain. Instead, as she waited for her sister's return, she picked up the random, ratty book under her pillow. A book of unknown poems. She rifled through the pages and stopped on one page and read.

I have one wish denied to me  
The wish is to fly free  
I long to fly to you, wherever you may be  
I crave it with a passion, oh to be free and there  
My focus on the red that runs  
Longer, longer, connect to thee  
Dream is vivid, but oh so ghostly  
Yet here I sit with days just blending  
Time is wasting, damn mortality  
Time is slipping through like water  
Scream is loud, yet no one hears  
Grant me wings to fly to freedom  
I want freedom  
I need freedom  
The red string connects  
Let us be near  
Free  
Free  
Free

At the sound of low voices outside her door, Ann quickly shoved the book under her pillow, just as Elizabeth walked in. She paused. "What you hiding there?"

"A book," Ann replied, removing her hand and settling back against her pillows.

"Okay, I'll let it slide. I'm glad you're awake, because look what I got?" Elizabeth removed a box of Ann's favourite fudge squares from behind her back. "I forgot about these, and I asked Nurse Cordingley to make us some hot chocolate. We could have some snacks as you tell me about her, if you want?"

She felt sick at the idea of consuming anything, but it was something overdue, and since Ann will never make up for past mistakes, she might as well tell her most kept secret and story to one relative that wanted to know. She replied by scooting over and patting the space next to her. Elizabeth soon settled next to her, kicking off her shoes and getting under the covers like they were having a slumber party, about to be told something very juicy.

"So, you met this southern-talking Anne at work, nearing Christmas, and it was love at first sight?" Elizabeth asked, a teasing smile curling at the corner of her mouth.

Ann laughed softly. "Oh, don't get me wrong, I thought she was incredibly handsome, but I was seeing that woman you met once. Hmm, what was her name again? Davina! That was it."

"I actually thought she was a man! Especially when she went by Dave," her sister giggled.

"I like them butch." She winked, finally relaxed and able to talk to her like a sister should. "It wasn't serious, but I wasn't about to be whisked off my feet by an attractive stranger. Umm, I suppose Anne had done things to me, but-"

"Ann, I don't want the details," Elizabeth scolded, but they both know she was joking with her. They laughed.

Nurse Cordingley took that moment to walk in, handed the hot chocolates to Elizabeth, smiled a genuinely soft smile at the heartwarming scene, and walked out again.

Ann took a polite sip of her cocoa. Not like how she made them, but it wasn't so bad.

"Now that we got everything, what happened next?" 

Ann chuckled at the memory and lowered her mug. "Let's just say that next time we crossed paths, I wasn't pleased with her."

1975 -

"Ann, I'm totally jealous of how you look," Catherine sighed.

They were at the Christmas fundraising party. The ballroom loud with the swirling colours ranging from green and red, with some more dramatic people going as far as dressing up in reindeer and Christmas tree costumes - wait, was that someone dressed like a angel over there?

Ann shook her head and looked down at her form hugging, white glittery dress, with her petite figure being swallowed in a warm jade shawl. Her hair was down and in loose ringlets, and, at Catherine's insistent, was wearing pearl earrings and a matching necklace - that was given to her by her mother on her eighteenth birthday. "I don't know, I look a little too pale."

"Well, you look more like an angel than that woman actually dressed like one," Catherine said, pointing out the same woman Ann was squinting at.

"Whatever you say," Ann sighed.

Catherine glared at her suddenly. Poking her arm, she said, "Hey now! No being grouchy. We're here to have a good time."

"You dragged me here."

"For your own good."

"Away from a comfortable night on the sofa with my dog."

"You need a nice social activity."

"I do plenty of nice social activity," Ann said defensively.

"Like...?"

Ann stopped, being transported back to last weekend, spent with Davina's - nicknamed Dave - face nestled between her legs. "Like... helping the homeless, volunteering with animals, meeting with Peter to walk our dogs-"

"That man again? Ann! You could do better! Look at that handsome man over there, looking over here?" 

Ann had to bite back a smirk, mentally swatting away the image of that delightful weekend with her lover. "Peter is lovely. And I would rather a kind mechanic, than a snobby rich man. Someone needs to love Buddy nearly as much as me, you know? Besides, I think he's looking at you in that beautiful ruby red dress, which compliments your dark hair." 

Worked like a charm. The focus is off her. Twirling a strand of hair, Catherine waved at the man wearing a red tie that matches her dress. The man waved back. "Oh, so dreamy." Grabbing two champagne off the serving tray from a waiter, she passed one to Ann, linked arms with her and pulled her along. Ugh, this is going to be a long hour indeed. 

Standing with a group of rich men was just as she predicted. Boring, draining and pointless. Men that didn't give two hoots about doing good, but just wants to have a good image for their company. Ann mentally rolled her eyes at the small man stood next to her, talking to her about something. She nervously took a step away when he reached out to get her attention. 

"Pardon?" she said in the end. If she gives him what he wants, maybe he'll finally go away.

The man plastered a forced smile on his face. "I said why is a beautiful woman here without a man to take care of you?"

Ann took a sip of her drink to give her time to think. She came to realise the hard way how bruised mens' egos are. The shifty way this man behaved gave her a traumatising flashback. Shaking, she took a slow breath and released it, taking another step away. "He'll be along later on," she said quickly. 

The man pursed his lips. "Such a shame, it's always the beautiful ones." 

She only relaxed when he was far, far away from her.

"I saw that."

"Saw what?" Ann replied innocently.

"He was interested, and you lied to him," Catherine accused.

Ann shrugged. "I'm not interested."

"Now Ann," Catherine said, talking to her like a mother softly chastising her child. 

"Now Catherine," she parroted. "I hope you're not playing matchmaker again."

It was her cousin's turn to look innocent. "I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Of course." 

Blushing, Catherine turned away and went back to the man talking to her. Sighing at her retreat, Ann spotted a table littered with baskets. She walked over, both curious and to have an excuse to escape. 

When she got to the table, she saw baskets filled with chocolates - fancy ones at that, another with beauty products, a voucher for a spa day, another for a holiday to Spain, expensive wine, whiskey, etc. 

"Would you like to buy a ticket?" 

Ann looked up at the woman on the other side of the table. "Sure."

"How many?" The woman picked up a stack of raffle tickets.

"Ten, please." She handed over the money and walked away, but, she didn't return to Catherine. Instead, she wandered for a while looking at the massive and professionally done Christmas tree. It was beautiful. Twinkling white lights. Glass baubles. Bells. Tinsel. A star on top of the tree. She was studying a golden bell when she felt someone coming towards her, before seeing them materialising in the reflection of the bell. 

"We meet again," a familiar voice said near her ear. She continued looking dumbly at the bell, looking at her reflection. It's that woman from the cafe!

"Um. H-hi," Ann said, spinning around and facing Anne. "Anne, right?"

"You remember me?" A slow smirk formed on her face. 

"You bought pie at my store."

"The best damn pie ever," Anne said.

Ann blushed, never really good at dealing with compliments. "I-I'm glad y-"

Anne's voice lowered and she leaned closer. "I hope to have another slice soon." She straightened and winked at her. Why does she have a feeling it wasn't just the pie she was talking about?

Exhaling, Ann shook off the weird feeling she felt. "Umm, you look good." And she did. Dressed in a black suit, dark grey waistcoat and matching tie, with a black shirt and silver pocket watch sitting snugly in her waistcoat pocket. A warm and spicy cologne tickled her nose, and she wanted to lean forward and breathe it in. 

"And you, darlin', remind me of a angel," Anne replied, picking up her hand and kissing her wrist. "Hmm, sweet."

Heart pounding fast, she awkwardly, and almost reluctantly pulled her hand back - as tingly and warm as it was earlier. Not quite able to meet the handsome woman's heated expression, she nervously fiddled with the bell. "So, I take it you have a good job to be here?" She mentally face-palmed herself. Really? She could have said something else more interesting, but instead sounded like one of the many men standing around?

Anne Chuckled. "I run my own successful business, yes."

Attention still firmly on the bell, she said, "Oh? And that is?"

"CEO of Shibden Whiskey."

She whirled around at that. "I heard of that company! From one of my cousins. You're Anne Lister."

"Aware of me, hmm?" Interest sparked in her dark eyes, and she stepped closer into Ann's space.

"Yeah. I-I don't drink whiskey, or have knowledge, but I heard of Shibden Whiskey," Ann murmured.

"Hmm," Anne said, tapping her right middle finger against her glass filled with amber. Her focus was on Ann, intense and dark. She almost felt like she was being stalked by a shiny panther. She gulped.

"I-isn't this a great idea? A fundraiser. I hope we raise enough money for the homeless." She felt the need to change the topic again.

A look of disgust flashed across Anne's face. "A waste of time."

Just like that, the weird dream-like state between them shattered and Ann turned on her. "Excuse me?" she asked sharply.

Anne raised an eyebrow. "Hmm?"

"You said 'a waste of time.' What do you mean by that?"

Taking a slow sip of her drink, she said, "I'm only saying. Why waste time on the homeless if they can't help 'emself? Stop being high and drinking and get a job-"

"You do realise that's not always the case? Sometimes, they're homeless for other reasons," Ann said coldly.

Anne stared blankly at her. Ann, flashing her own look of disgust at her, backed away. "The fundraiser was my idea, and my cousin allowed it. Good evening, Miss Lister." 

She walked away without looking back, although she could feel Anne's gaze burning into her back, making her shiver against her will. Spotting Catherine, she linked arms with her and pulled her away. 

"H-hey! Ann, I was talking to-"

"Let's go, it's been way over an hour."

Catherine whined. "Ann, at least wait for the raffle-"

"No. I want to leave now."

"I want to stay." She untangled her arm from Ann's. "What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing. I want to go, that's all. James has his own life too, you know." Ann felt guilty for using James for her excuses, but she certainly wasn't going to tell her the true reason. 

She rolled her eyes. "He's being paid to work for you."

"And I won't abuse him like that," Ann snapped.

Catherine narrowed her eyes into thing strips. "Fine. I saw you buy tickets, at least let me give them to Jacob." 

"Who?"

Her cousin pointed to the man she's been chatting to. Oh. Him. Ann wordlessly handed over the raffle tickets and waited impatiently for Catherine's return, arms folded and foot tapping. She could still feel that infuriating gaze burning through her, and she hates the way it's making her feel, even though she's as much an idiot as the rest of the people here.

"Jacob kindly said he'll bring the winnings to your store, if we win anything." Catherine was still angry. And Ann didn't have it in her to pretend to care. She just grabbed Catherine by the arm and quickly left the room, out into the cold and into the back of the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would say it's bad luck to open presents before the 25th, but, enjoy your early gift. Have yourself a very merry Christmas! ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Been a year since I saw you last

1976 - 

The second time they crossed paths was New Years Day.

Ann yawned loudly, shivering under the thick layer of her coat, scarf, hat and gloves. The cold still seems to be able to cut through her like a guillotine. Her face feels completely numb to the long period of being exposed to the arctic chill. Snow still covered the earth, but was hard beneath her boots and crunched at every step she took. 

She paused, turning to throw the ball for the patiently waiting Buddy. Watching him chase after the ball, she wrapped her arms firmly around her body in an attempt to trap what little body warmth she has. They were out for barely an hour, and she really wanted to just go home, curl up on the sofa with cocoa and read her book beside her fireplace. 

She looked around the park. Barren. Even the wildlife that thrived here must have been wise enough to find warmth. She sighed. Yes. When Buddy returns, they'll go home. 

It was January 1st 1976. New Years Day. And she was lonely. Elizabeth spent Christmas in America with her husband, Catherine invited her to spend Christmas with the family, but Ann declined, never quite liking the Rawsons, well, besides Catherine that is. That left Ann spending her Christmas alone with Buddy, eating a chicken sandwich and cheese and onion crisps for her Christmas dinner. A depressing and lonesome day. And now she's alone again on New Years Day.

Buddy chose that moment to run up to her with tennis ball in mouth, wagging his tail.

Ann smiled softly. No, not exactly alone. She crouched down and hugged him, burrowing her cold face against him neck. Buddy panted. 

"You're such a sweet boy," Ann cooed into Buddy's ear before leaving a kiss on his muzzle. "Let's go home. The shop is closed today, so we have all day to snuggle on the sofa."

Buddy dropped his ball and barked.

"Okay, okay." She picked up the slimy ball and threw it.

After Buddy ran off, a Brobdingnagian, four legged creature bounded over. Ann started, looked to her left in alarm and saw something that looked a little like a werewolf, but really, was some kind of grey scruffy dog. The dog whined and pawed at Ann's hand. Snapping out of her daze, she offered her hand without thinking. 

The dog barked and licked her hand.

Giggling, she stood up and went to turn away but quickly stopped. She felt like something, or someone, was burning a hole through her back. Alarm bells went off, and her heart raced. She was alone and anyone could harm her. 

"Sorry about him, love. He's jut being friendly." 

Stiffening, she slowly turned around, ready to run, but her fear soon disappeared, and annoyance took over. She frowned at the person before turning around and walking away, determined to pretend she never saw her.

A second set of feet crunched behind her. 

"Morning darlin'," Anne greeted cheerily. 

Ann ignored her.

"What is a pretty little thin' like you doin' out at this time?"

Ann still ignored her.

That didn't seem to stop Anne, unfortunately, because she carried on to say. "Is that dog yours?"

Ann still ignored her.

"Been a year since I saw you last."

"Go away," Ann snapped, speeding up. Well, she tried to, but she slipped in the slushy snow she hadn't seen and found herself falling backwards. She would have fallen flat on her back, if it wasn't for strong hands gripping her waist, steadying her. 

Ann gasped at the electric shock from the contact. It felt like being zapped when you touch metal. She struggled for a few seconds and pushed away, turning around to glare at Anne. 

"Don't touch me!" She snapped angrily.

Anne raised an eyebrow before frowning. She shoved ungloved hands into her leather jacket pocket. "Have a issue with me or somethin'?" 

Ann didn't reply, distracted by what Anne is wearing. A brown leather jacket. Tight black jeans that hugged her legs. A black T-shirt that hugged her muscular form. Long hair in a low pony. A black eye. "How are you not cold?"

"Bein' close to you is keeping my heart warm, darlin'," she said lowly, leaning forward into her space, a smouldering look in her dark brown eyes. 

Ann felt her cheeks heating up and looked away. "Don't be ridiculous. You'll catch your death."

"Well, well, well, so you do care?" she purred. Like some kind of shiny, black panther high on cat nip.

Opening her mouth and closing it a few times, Ann bursts out with a, "You got in a fight, I see?"

Anne smirked. "The other guy looks worse."

"There's no reason for violence!"

Anne only shrugged in response, sniffing and looked away for a moment. She looked in the same direction, and they both watched their dogs chasing each other around. Buddy knocked the scruffy dog over, and the scruffy dog rolled over, baring its stomach in submission. 

"What's your dog called?"

Ann cast a suspicious glance her way. "Buddy."

A twitch at the corner of her mouth. "That dopey Irish Wolfhound is Argus."

"Argus? Nice name."

"Hmm."

A pregnant pause followed. 

Ann sneezed.

"You should get home," Anne said softly.

As if a magician snapped his fingers, the haze fogging Ann's mind cleared, and the annoyance took claim again. She was supposed to be angry at this Anne Lister, CEO of Shibden Whiskey. 

Turning away in a huff, she stormed off again, calling out to her dog. 

Footsteps sounded behind her again. "Ann, wait."

Ann stopped again sighing wearily. "What?"

"You never answered my question. Do you have a issue with me?"

Ann looked at her for a moment, exhaled and said, "I don't like being around callous people."

"And you think I am, because...?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Remember the charity party?"

A blank expression, and then it clicked. "Oh. So you were being over dramatic about that?"

"Umm, pardon me?" Ann whispered quietly.

Anne Lister just seemed to have dug herself a hole this time. And Ann decided that Anne Lister's only good quality was a handsome face, but her personality so far just sucked, and she wasn't keen to be around her at all.

"Buddy," Ann called as she stormed away, being mindful of the slippery snow. 

"Hey, come back here," Anne commanded.

Commanded. What the cheek?

"You're exhausting," Ann said cruelly, clicking the lead on Buddy's harness and exiting the park. 

She felt guilty and wanted to go back to apologise, but anger reared its ugly head and she carried on ahead instead.

***

Slamming the front door closed, Ann kicked off her boots and threw off her coat, hat, gloves and scarf and stormed down the hallway and into her library, pacing restlessly. She never felt this much pent up anger before, and she didn't really know what to do about it. 

She tried eating. But that didn't help. She tried reading To Kill A Mockingbird, but that wasn't helping. She attempted to draw, but that did no good either. 

Sighing, she eventually packed away her paints before sitting back down on the sofa. Buddy rested his head on her lap in an attempt to comfort her. Ann absentmindedly rubbed his neck, looking out the window. The sky was a light grey, and it looked like snow was on the horizon. 

The phone rang, making Ann jump in fright. 

"He-hello?" Ann greeted hesitantly.

"Hey baby," a familiar voice greeted. "What you doing?"

Dave. Perfect. "I'm doing nothing. You?"

"Fixing my car, but I'm not working." There was a question in her words.

"Neither am I. Want to come over and keep me company?"

"Mmm... I might have time for you," Dave husked.

Ann shuddered. "Get here soon, okay?"

"Give me twenty minutes."

She hung up and quickly went about picking up around the house. Yes. Dave would be the the perfect distraction. They had been good friends and casual lovers for a few years now. Helping to scratch one another's back when the need arises. But for some reason, Ann felt guilt gnawing in her stomach, but she quickly pushes the feeling away. Why would she feel guilt?

Lets just say the rest of the night was very, very nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S'up humans! Sorry I didn't write for a whole year! 
> 
> The chapter ain't much, but thought I would write something anyway. Hope you enjoyed it!


	7. chapter 7

As much as Ann loved the snow, she was hating it at the moment. The snow had turned dirty and slushy, and she kept slipping and sliding on her way to work like an ungraceful ballerina, shivering like a leaf on a branch during a squall. She regretted deciding to walk to work, but she couldn't ask poor James to risk the roads for her.

She sighed for the hundredth time that morning as she squinted at the lamp posts. Another irritation. Going to work when it was still dark at 06:00. The sky doesn't look like it's going to lighten up any time soon. She huddled firmly into her petticoat as another icy blast of wind cuts through her body. She shivered and her teeth clattered together uncontrollably. The only sound in the deserted streets other than the wind. 

She sighed again.

A whine at her side caught her attention and she looked down at Buddy. Even Buddy is shivering. A stab of guilt overcame her.

"Aww, I know it's cold, my little polar bear! We're almost at work, and I'll make us some tea to warm you up," Ann said soothingly to her dog. 

Buddy perked up at the promise of tea, and his tongue lolled out his maw. 

Ann chucked and looked up. A little further down was Crows Nest. Lights shone out the windows, casting the ground in its warm glow. Eliza is in. And that means it'll be nice and warm inside too. She gave a sigh of relief as the smell of fresh goods filled her nasal. She lightly trotted the rest of the way, trudged inside and swiped her feet on the welcome mat. Warmth surrounded them like a friendly embrace. In the back the radio crooned softly.

"Ann? Is that you?" A second later Eliza's face popped out the kitchen door. She looked down beside her. "Aww, and Buddy is gracing us with his presence as well! I'll get the tea sorted while you settle him in. There's something on the desk for you." She twirled round and disappeared back into the kitchen. 

"Thank you, Eliza," said Ann, wrestling off her gloves and petticoat while Buddy and she went inside her office.

Buddy sloped up to his bed in the corner of the room, picking up his stuffed fox toy, spun in slow circles a few times, before laying down. Ann smiled fondly at him before looking down at her desk. A single brown envelope sat in the middle of it. Sitting in her comfortable chair, she slid it to her and looked at it in thoughtful consideration before opening it. Inside it was a voucher to a spa day. She almost forgot about the charity event. She leaned her head back and sighed. 

A light knock sounded a while later and in walked Eliza. "Here you go, I even sliced some pie for us." She placed the tray on the desk and sat down in the chair opposite the desk. 

Buddy's tail thumped loudly on the linoleum floor, and he heaved up, grabbed his metal bowl and walked over to Eliza. Eliza smiled and took it, going to work on filling the bowl with tea.

"Is there something wrong, hun?" Eliza questioned as she placed the bowl the floor. Buddy gratefully lapped at the tea, just cool enough to drink. Eliza was always a considerate person, and Ann's cherished staff and friend, and also the only person to know her secret.

"Mmm." Ann poured her tea and sipped from the delicate porcelain cup, mind occupied on something else.

"Ann?" Eliza questioned.

Snapping out of her daze, she turned to her. "Yeah?"

"I said is there something wrong? Are you sick?" Eliza leaned forward placed the back of her hand against her forehead. "Hmm, you feel okay."

Ann leaned away politely. "I'm fine, I guess I'm just feeling down."

Eliza leaned back in her seat and picked up her tea cup. "Is everything okay with Dave?"

She rolled her eyes. "You know we're just friends."

"Who you allow down south in your garden now and then," Eliza teased, smirking.

Blushing, Ann looked away. "It's like I say, we're just friends."

"Okay, okay. If it's not delicious Dave, then what is it?"

"Umm, I really don't know." Ann finally picked up her pie and took a bite. Flavour exploded on her tongue. Pecan, and after that, a vision of dark, dark eyes swarmed around in her mind like a group of angry wasp. A frown graced her forehead stiffly, and she bats the thought away with a shake of her head. "I guess it could be anything?" Ann finally summarised.

Eliza hummed around her mouthful of pie, and then made an 'ah-ha' sound. "I think I know what we both need!"

Buddy rested his head on Ann's lap, huffing for her attention. She obliged by scratching his silky ears. "And that would be...?"

"A night out to The Chaumiere after work, of course!"

"Uhh..."

"Oh, come on, Ann! Let's go. I'd been sick and need a good loving. Please?" She batted her eyes and pouted. She kind of looks a little like Buddy begging for scraps.

Sighing, Ann relented and nodded.

"Thanks, boss! Well, I suppose we should open up then?" She picked up the tray, winked, and left the room.

Ann groaned. A irritating feeling cramps in her stomach. Why does she have a feeling she's going to regret this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the delay, but my style of writing is only writing when I'm in the right frame of mind. This chapter ain't much, but expect something juicy next chapter :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck hut. That is all!

Sweating limbs brushed against each other seductively, on the verge of indecency. A variety of multi-coloured hair flew in every direction, in the the heat of passion. The lights were dimmed, save for one bright light that shined on a sparkling femme. A beautiful dark-skinned woman, with her natural afro tied back by a ruby headband, voluptuous body clad in glittery silver. The women that weren't in pairs were stood in front of the stage, hollering and whistling at the singer, swaying in time to her crooning the lyrics of Joanna, sung by Cris Williamson. Beer could be seen sloshing violently around the glass, droplets flying overboard and drenching clutched fingers.

Ann sat in the shadows, nursing a near empty glass of white wine, observing her surroundings. Some women were clad in tight patched dresses, others were dapper with gelled back hair, some bohemian and as wild as a storm. But then her gaze travelled to Dave, sat at the bar, her trademark cherry lolly pop held between middle and index finger, still wearing her grimy overalls. Eliza stood beside her, wearing her usual hippy attire, laughing at whatever joke Dave said. When the barmaid placed two drinks in front of her, she gestured to the table Ann was saving. Ann groaned lightly when Dave turned her beaming smiling at her, jumping down from the stool to follow Eliza. As much as Ann was fond of Dave, she really wasn't keen on seeing her occasional lover more than usual.

"Ann," Dave greeted, sliding her muscular self next to her. Oil, rusted metal and a faint earthy cologne wafted over to her. An involuntary clench was felt deep in her lower belly. 

Ann plastered on a polite smile and nodded her hello. Eliza pushed the second glass of wine in her direction, winking and nudging her head in Dave's direction. Ann ignored her, choosing instead to take another sip from her first glass of wine.

"I was just telling Dave here that we were looking to unwind for the night," Eliza said, raising her voice slightly to be heard over the eager crowd. 

"A tough week or something, babe?" Dave questioned, popping her lolly in her mouth.

"It's been quiet lately, with the winter weather and all," Ann replied. She smiled at Eliza. "And of course, things were even better after Eliza came back."

"What-" Dave was cut off at the sudden raucous.

All three of them looked in the direction of the sudden chaos. The singer, Doreen - Ann thinks her name was, was running her finger down the side of her breast, singing a particularly provocative song at that, her attention firmly on one woman in the crowd. You can really smell the sweat, booze and desperation in this room. Like a bunch of horny bonobos. 

"I don't really understand how you could let loose in a bar with all this going on," Ann said, crinkling her nose in horror.

"I don't know about you, but I'm enjoying myself." Eliza took another long draw of her drink.

Ann looked at the table. "I see it's because of the four glasses, which is yours."

Eliza flapped her hand in dismissal. "Lay off, boss! It's a night of fun."

"Didn't you say you were seeing family tomorrow?"

"And?" 

"You'll be rather hungover, is all."

Eliza rolled her eyes. "Sorry, mum!" 

"I'm just looking out for you."

"I can take care of myself." She looked over at the bar before turning around. "Besides, I think that sexy fellow hippy over there is calling to me."

Ann's eyebrow twitched. She looked in Eliza's general direction, saw the dark haired woman glancing in Eliza's direction every now and then, and rolled her eyes. "With your exotic looks, it makes a lot of sense that women or men would notice you."

"Eww. Forget men, give me a woman! That sexy woman over there, especially." She downed the rest of her drink, slammed the glass down, and ran her fingers through her hair before standing up. "I'm going in, wish me luck!" 

They both watched her swaying away to the bar before turning back to each other. 

Dave held out her hand. "Wanna dance?"

Ann narrowed her eyes. 

Dave corrected herself. "Sorry, I mean, do you want to dance?"

"That's better." She accepted her hand and they moved to the dance floor. Dave's hands lightly held her hips, and Ann placed her arms loosely around Dave's shoulders. 

The crowd quieted down, some left The Chaumiere, some were at the bar or sitting down. The others slow danced around the two as a new song was sung. This time, Doreen was singing a Joan Armatrading song. Ann, relaxing into her, rested her head on Dave's shoulder, gaze staring in the direction of Eliza with the other woman. Then, something familiar caught her eye, or, those eyes caught hers. Brown. The exact colour that keeps sneaking up in her mind every chance they could. Right now, those familiar eyes were hard as steel, now staring daggers at her dance partner.

Dave flinched turning slightly to whisper in her ear, the scent of cherry heavy on her breath. "Ever feel as if someone is staring at you?" 

Glancing back at the bar in instinct, Ann quickly shook her head in response. 

"Must be too many lollies then, huh?" Dave joked.

"Mmm, maybe that."

"So listen, I was wondering... Want to come back to my place after? I'll make sure to get you home after, for Buddy."

Ann hesitated. No. She wasn't in the mood tonight, but how could she say no? 

Dave dug her nails in slightly and pulled her firmly against her body, kissing beneath her jaw. It may have come across as pleasurable to others, but not to Ann. Her mind went blank, travelling somewhere far far away from the clustered room of The Chaumiere. 

"Ann?" She heard, coming from a land moved far away from hers.

"Yes?" She whispered. 

"Do you want to come back to mine?" The voice said. 

"Mmm." She blinked and was back in the present when she felt a shift. Dave stood away from her, smiling.

"Well, after I use the toilet, we can get going." She turned and walked away.

Ann, confused, lifted a hand. What just happened? She didn't remember saying yes to going anywhere with her. 

She looked around dumbly, cold sweat breaking out on her forehead. Eliza caught her gaze, and gestured her over to her and her new friend. Ann faintly remembered drifting over to the bar, momentarily forgetting about the brown eyes that trailed her. 

"Ann, this is Liv, we're going back to hers for a funny fag. I'd invite you, but I take it Dave is whisking you away?" Eliza questioned, a lecherous cheshire grin spreading wide across her face.

"Umm... Yes?" 

"Good on you, girl!" She turned to Liv and linked arms with her. "See you on Monday. Be a good girl, okay?" And then they were off.

Ann didn't pay too much attention, not really aware of anything around her. People and noises blurred together, her chest feeling oddly tight. She breathed deep, prying the turtle neck jumper from her neck to find relief. A blur came up to her, and thinking it was Dave, straightened up, a lie ready on her tongue. But, when she turned, it wasn't Dave, it was Anne. 

"Are y'all okay, darlin'?" Anne questioned, concern on her tone.

Ann, not trusting herself to speak, nodded in reply.

"I don't know bout you, but I saw'a lot'av panic attacks in my time. Breathe in an out."

Instinctively, she followed Anne's instruction, eventually feeling herself calming down. The room came back into focus, the sound of a new singer on stage.

"Atta girl," Anne soothed. She smiled gently, her eyes warm, and brandy heavy on her breath. But, she can smell that familiar spiced cologne. Comforting and warm, despite the infuriating owner. 

Ann felt a blush, and turned away. She heard Anne whistling for the barmaid, and a moment later, placed a bottle of water in front of her. 

"Hav'som water."

"Thank you," Ann muttered, unscrewing the lid and taking a long and much needed gulp. "I'm surprised you're being nice to me."

Anne stared at her for a moment, before pulling a pack of cigars from the inner pocket of her leather jacket. She lit it, took a drag and blew out smoke before answering. "I was'an arse, I guess. Sorry." 

Gaping in reply, Ann did nothing but stare, noticing how strangely attractive Anne Lister looked smoking. Noticing her stare, she offered her one, for which Ann was quick to pass on. She rolled her bottle of water around in her hands for a moment. It's strange, despite where they are, things seemed to have quieted down to a soft and dull background noise. 

"Did she say some'thing to upset ya?" Anne said out the blue.

Ann jumped. "Pardon?"

She nodded back towards the dance floor. "The butch y'all were dancin with."

"Oh. Umm, no."

"Hmm," Anne said under her breath. "I knew y'all were lesbian, but was hopin' I had a shot."

"Uhh, she -"

Dave's arm slung over her shoulder. "Ready to go, babe?" 

Ann froze. She didn't want to, but what choice did she have? She looked at Anne, saw her relaxed posture stiffen, her firm jaw clenching, before Ann lowered her head, obediently going along with Dave. 

Ann spent the rest of the night with her mind in that far away place, thinking about brown eyes that were much gentler than she saw before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm utterly surprised I was even in the right mood to write. But I hoped you enjoyed!


End file.
